Yesterday, during our monthly GoalMeeting, my cousin shared how it made a difference for how to have one of her friends listen her for the great mother that she is. My cousin shared how her listening of herself was very much one of being down on her parenting skills. It’s amazing how it takes those around us to listen for who really are to cut through the mean things we say to ourselves. It’s such a powerful experience to have someone there who sees and listens you for your Perfection and Wholeness.

I think that’s why I found myself spiraling down again into the doldrums last night. Aaron used to be that person for me. Aaron loved me when I couldn’t love myself. He saw past what I thought to be my brokenness into my truth. He really got who I am. That is an aspect of true Love, I think: To have someone accept you for you… to have someone understand you to the core.

And I wonder whether or not he got that I celebrated him for who he is. I was already proud of him from the very beginning. Although there was a restlessness in him that eventually led to him pursuing his studies in Glasgow, I knew him throughout for his creativity and his wide-open heart. For me, life with Aaron wasn’t stagnant or plateauing, as he might’ve thought his life was becoming. Rather, I had the silent blessing of watching someone thrive and stretch and express himself inside of the listening I provided for him.

Last night, I contemplated just calling it quits and severing the last ties I might have to Aaron, as I confronted the thought that I’m nothing more than a ghost in Aaron’s past now. Yet, the joy and privilege of listening past all of this doubt, … past all of what he might be going through, … has been one of the fundamental commitments we have had to each other. Just because the healing’s starting to get nasty … like the wound that is oozing yet starting to get better … so too must I listen for my own Self and for the man who I still love.