As I continue to just be with this new sadness filling my heart, I can hear my therapist’s voice in my head, reminding me that the only way to “fix” this is for Aaron to come back. And I know that that’s not the answer: I didn’t stand by him to maintain the status quo. As the days go by, I am more and more convinced that our having to take separate paths was the right thing for us: Aaron would’ve become disenchanted with his life, and I would’ve been increasingly controlling to “help” him manage through his disillusionment. A future of discontent and dysfunction was likely and almost certain for us.

On this side of things, I am learning to accept that I can’t go back to the way things were even if I tried. Because the way things were would’ve left us breaking up, probably acrimoniously. And it doesn’t make sense to try to shape any possible future with Aaron based on the past, no matter how fond the memories.

Something inside of Aaron was aching to be expressed, and now that creative spirit has a place in which to thrive. Knowing this, … knowing that the man I love is allowing the fullness of who he is to unfold reminds me that that is what I need to do for myself.